tears AND words

I have been searching, searching for something deep inside myself. There's a place in me I can't seem to reach. A longing, if you will. Longing for...something, for anything.

I don't know if the tears help. Do they? Do they help?

There's a longing in my bones, they write like a transcript. I can't make out the symbols.

I don't know if the words help. Do they? Do they help?

My fingers aren't long enough; they can't reach what I want. No! What I need. They are too short. Too short. Why aren't they long enough?

Images swirl around, around, around. They blur and make no sense. I cry, but the tears don't help. I talk, but the words don't help. They never help.

Your eyes don't help.

Your arms don't help.

You don't know. You'll never know. Will I ever know?

Why do I break like I do? The fragility. Shattered glass, shattered bone. Just snaps.

Like a floodgate, the tears come, the words come. But do they help? Do they?

Long Time No Blogging.

2011 was an interesting year. A mixture of anger, pity, guilt, love, passion, sadness, understanding and revelation. There's probably more emotions under the rainbow, but for now those were the main ones. Many of you will think, was I the one who caused that emotion. Don't read into this blog, it's not a blame letter. I've probably experienced these emotions for a many of reasons. True, there have been times last year when someone may have caused me to react in a certain way, but I am past it. 2011 is gone and, even though not entirely forgotten, a bit of understanding and non-caring has made the rest of the year a little less stressful.

2012 has started out relatively great. I feel a lot calmer this year. A lot more motivated. I have been surprised and a little shocked already in the first couple of weeks. It's amazing what being in hospital will bring out in other people, as well as yourself. You see sides of people, you never thought you'd see again. Being in hospital made me scared, a lot more than I have a been in while. It may have be a relatively small procedure, but it messes with your senses. I was scared. And glad that it wasnt anymore serious than it was.

I am so grateful for all the support and caring I received when I was in hospital. It's shocking for me to know someone cares about me as much as they do. I don't know why I feel that way. Could be that I feel I don't deserve it. That's probably the main reason for my whacked out emotions. I am so thankful. People show the best of them when you're in trouble, and you realise who's truly there for you in those times.

Anyway, I am off. Have a good night. Ciao!

Just Like Elevator Music

Hello everyone!

It's been a while since I last blogged. So I guess it's that time again when I rant about something that's probably uninteresting and longwinded. Today's rant comes to you by the lovely waiting line of Telstra's customer service over the phone. It's such a pleasure.

It's ironic that I am complaining about Telstra, considering I am a Telstra dealer. Or maybe it's hypocritical, I've never locked in the meaning of both in my vocabulary.

And I know what you're thinking, Telstra dealer, should be able to get Telstra on the phone pretty easily. But alas, as employees of Telstra we are subjected to the same customer service waiting and skills that our customers do. But unfortunately, we don't get to be in the comfort of our own homes. We get have to be on hold for hours while we have the customer is in store. Good job, Telstra!

Oh well, I guess they get hundreds of calls regardless, and I am just bored and am wanting something to rant about while I am on hold. Funny, since I have been on hold for 20minutes now. Which makes my rant a slightly valid one, but once again oh well.

Anyway, my darlings, it's been wonderful catching up with you all. Hope you've had a happy week and will have an amazing weekend. Halloween!!

Ciao!!

True Love

Hello everybody!

I have a massive rant coming up today and it starts with this younger generation (younger than me that is). I have to say that I despise the together forever relationships younger people are having these days. And in that I am saying the ones that start and within a week, you are in love. Because you know what love is at that age. Of course you do you know everything. You're barely out of nappies and you're giving your entire heart/life to this one person. Really? Honestly? You are? Are you awake? Are you even in there?

I love how you're 14 and you think this 'love' is that of Romeo and Juliet and it's forbidden and everlasting. Because he would never leave you, because he's always going to think with his 14 year old brain and realise he's going to marry the girl he flung to poo at as a child. But if you're one of the lucky few, I apologise and have congratulations for you and your wonderous relationship. But the other ones, this will probably one of three divorces throughout your life. But of course, this specific one is the special one, because you miss him every second and he allows you to take pictures of you and him kissing, for you to show the entire world over facebook, and to have your teenie bopper friends comment saying what a cute couple you two are and that you're going to last forever.

Honestly, he will probably turn out to be gay. He's obviously way too feminine because allow all this.

But it's so good that he wants to spend every waking moment with you. And uses all his credit on you with nice little words of love only meant for you and you alone. I bet you he's not at the Blue Light Disco kissing another tween. Nope, he's given his whole heart to you. You've already talked about marriage and kids, because you two have so much in common that it's so unbelievable, he must be your soul mate. Never mind that you'll probably lose your virginity together, and it was both awkward and messy, but that's this thing you shared. Never mind one day he's going to eventually want to know what it's like with another girl, any other girl, because well let's face it, at 14 he's only been with one, unless you count the nice older girl he knew who taught him about kissing and sex and stuff. If he's so lucky.

Sorry about my rant, I am tired of reading facebook status about girls telling their boyfriends of one week that they love them, and blah. Because honestly, that's not going to end up in unwanted pregnancy and eventually divorce, no, never, what am I talking about?

Hope you all liked it. Not that I worry about what you think, because I am smart and therefore I am right. Only kidding. Have awesome weekends, and until next time....

Ciao!

Sweeter than Chocolate

Hello everyone,

I've been thinking about my life, and I've realise I am going great lately. I have released a lot of tension from my shoulders and been feeling wonderful because of it.
There's lots of things coming up that I am looking foward to. I can't wait for Halloween, I miss dressing up and feeling just slightly American. They do Halloween as well as a chef does dinner, which usually if you get the right restaurant is absolutely brilliant. They do all holidays justice. Here in Australia, we just don't get as involved as the Americans do. Unless it's footy. I love footy, don't get me wrong, but geez Louise, there are other things to get excited about.

Other things that I have been thinking about is that I cannot wait for this semester to end. I have one assignment and two exams to go, and I am done like dinner. Hmm, I do seem to like the dinner references today. If only I could find the motivaton to do my assignment, then I would be breezing through. I prefer exams over assignments anyday, all you do is study and read and remember. I am not good with formal writing. Oh well, these things need to be done.

I am looking forward to next year. It's going to be a changed year. Not as much stress I don't think. Let's hope that I won't be the massive slacker I have been this year. Hehe.

Anyways lovelies, that's my little update for today. Hope you're all well and that you update your blogs soon. I miss reading about you all.

Ciao!

URGENT UPDATE!!

OMG! Just saw a spider!!! - white tail I think. It moved up the other side of the glass wall and around the corner into my cubicle. Sarah got a tissue and picked it up. But silly her didn't squish it and it moved and she dropped it!! Then proceeded to pick it up again, and squealed as she put it in the bin, as it moved again. We were squealling. My manager wouldn't even go near it. And after all this, is when Justin finally comes in, where was he a few minutes ago. He heard screaming and came out. Typical after the fact. Now, all I feel is things crawling on me. I wanna go home!! eww eww eww eww eww eww eww. I'm paranoid it has babies and they're going to get me. I keep looking around my desk. URGH. So disgusting.

TV Series Galore

Hey everyone,

Sorry I haven't been blogging much. But I have been wrapped on watching tv series lately. Courtesy of learning naughty things from Kerri and Nick. I have been on intra-semester break (only a week off), but I have been caught up in shows. Currently, I am watching Lost Girl, so far it's okay, I am liking it. Kerri got me onto it. It's a bit predictable and easy so far, but still likable.

Before Lost Girl, I have been watching season 4 of True Blood. Far out that show is trippy as. But Eric is so adorable in this season. I am more in love with him. Sookie annoys me like always. But I like this season the best out of all, mostly due to puppy Eric. :)

I finally watched the end of season five of Ghost Whisperer. Disappointed because I never wanted the show to end, but it ended how I thought it would. Still a good series and I can't wait to buy the entire set. But I will have to wait until after my trip. Damn Vietnam.

That is all from me now. Hope you guys have an awesome weekend. Ciao!