I'm Deakin it.

I am about to start Uni at the start of March.
Am I excited? Yes.
Am I also shitting myself? Most definitely.

Now I have to get back into the mode of studying again. And I really haven't written an essay since high school. So good luck with that Beckee. But I believe this is it for me. This is the start of my journey to Psychology and helping people help themselves.

I have found over the years that people have come to me for advice or help with their situations. I really don't know when you look at me, where they get the idea that I would be the right person to talk to. I mean I am almost always nice, and never really tell you what you probably need to hear. Or if I do it's in a way that would almost always never hurt your feelings. That's probably a shock to all the people I have given advice to over the years, but it's not like what I do say doesn't help them in any way. I guess I don't like to tell people what to do. They will always do what they want to regardless. I like to suggest things and give people choice, options. I like to give them ways to help themselves. Because really what has anyone learned from people telling them what to do.

Honestly I don't like to put myself in the situation that where someone has gone to me for advice and they've taken what I have said as gospel and that they should do things that way. I mean these people aren't me; they don't have the same goals or have the same idiosyncrasies. I want them to take the advice and use it in a way that it's more like an idea. They can take pieces from it or whole chunks. But they apply it to their style, their way of thinking. Take it in steps.

As I was saying as I started off this rant, which was originally about going to Uni and back to study, is that I like listening to people. I like understanding about their life. I am fascinated by the way people act and behave. Where people have come from, to make them who they are today. I am fascinated by expressions and emotions. I love hearing their story, because sometimes it can give me a break from mine. A way where I don't have to think about my life for a while. Put myself into some kind of perspective. I mean my life isn't at all bad. I love everything in it: my boyfriend, my pets, my family and my friends.

When I listen to people tell me about their life and problems, it's like reading a book. The richness in the words and in the emotions. The way a person's body moves to convey different expressions. How some people cannot talk at all - they're just a cover. And that's amazing as well. Just the cover. A cover can draw you in - the colours and pictures. I mean the eyes can almost tell you everything. The fiddling with their fingers. I can almost see the itching inside of them, begging them to give in and say something. I love watching the stubbornness take over. I love watching the struggle as you know they want to talk to you. It's like having a cover over flowing with colour and pictures that it almost clashes and you might not want to pick it up off the shelf. But it makes a itch you know you'll scratch eventually.

What I am trying to say is I am so god dam excited about going to Uni, going to learn how I can scratch the itch. Yet I am so dam scared that if I do, if I scratch the itch, will it satisfy in only scratching one itch or will it create more until you have lots of little bumps all over your skin, and you're afraid if you keep scratching you'll only bleed.